Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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