The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
