Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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