Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
