That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
