You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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