I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
