if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
