Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
