You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
