they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
