big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
