I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
