they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
