I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize