hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
