i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
