We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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