it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
