i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
