I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
