Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
