This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
