dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
