she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just high enough for therapy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
