I heard we made out
Me too!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
