your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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