No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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