Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
