my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
