How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize