I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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