Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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