For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
