hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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