Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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