Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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