My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
