he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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