On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
