Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
