O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
