just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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