I'm really into asian looking animals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
