Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
