Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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