i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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