I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
