I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
