My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
