you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am one with the molecules
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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