hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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