I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
