He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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