Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
