My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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