Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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