quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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