New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
