I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
