Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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