next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
