worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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