my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
