Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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