First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
