Say something about gay babies.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
