one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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