I am puke
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
