I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
