I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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