I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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