We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
