what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
