Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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