Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
