I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
