did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
